I skipped today’s workout because I was attending a funeral. I knew that it was going to be a difficult one, as the deceased was only 41 years old, but it turned out to be more difficult than I expected on many levels. It was the first funeral that I’ve attended since my mother’s death six years ago. As I listened to the standard platitudes, I found myself appreciating the words of my parents’ minister, Pastor Jerry, all the more. “People are going to tell you that you shouldn’t cry because she’s in a better place, that it was her time, God called her to heaven, so it’s all ok now,” he said. “But it’s perfectly ok to scream and kick and cry and say, ‘No, actually, it’s not ok. It sucks.’”
At the time, I think it caught me so off-guard that I laughed. But he was right. No matter whether or not you believe in the hereafter, or whether you truly think that the deceased is in a better place, there’s no getting around the fact that for the bereaved family and friends that are left behind, it just plain sucks. It was the first, last and only time I’ve ever heard a minister acknowledge that normal human responses were ok. Today’s priest was decidedly on the opposite end of the spectrum, chastising the congregation for their tears. The whole experience could have used some of Pastor Jerry’s humanity.